First & Last Time Hired as a Bartender - Funny Story

Story of the one and only time I have ever been hired to work as a bartender.

paul cram bartender

Audio Transcript

Hey everybody Paul Cram here
I found myself working one-time
as a bartender. I get this phone call and
it's robert and he's like
hey I have I this gig that I'm working
tomorrow or it was a couple nights
away and
they need one more bartender to come in
and you seem like you handle yourself
fine with crowds of people
would you be willing to jump in
really quick? It pays well and
you know be a bartender for night. I
don't know anything about bar tending
furthermore I don't know anything about
like I know that there's a thing
called beer and I know that there's a
thing called wine
I don't know anything. I am totally
willing to do it
you know absolutely, when life knocks
let's open the door
I was like, Robert please please
please understand
I don't know anything about
this and I think he thought I was
being really over dramatic because he was like
oh you'll be fine it'll be great
no big deal
so I am like "Okay"
sounds like an adventure why not you know, and I show up and it's a very
nice venue and they are going to be
auctioning off like this expensive
artwork and the women that started
coming in are in their beautiful
dresses and gowns
men are dressed up in tuxedos and it's a very
you know hoity-toity posh event
before you know the doors open up and all of that there was
somebody there that was, I think he was
called a mixologist and he was telling
us you know there's a certain drink that
they want us to do and I'm like scribbling
furiously as he's like telling us how to make it
and writing things down and I'm
looking around at the other bartenders
none to them a writing it down. There's just like yeah we got this you know we're
on the inside I am just like "ACK!"
I don't know. The good thing
though is that I was placed at a
big bar
and robert was nearby and most
the stuff that people ordered was so easy
I was like
oh my gosh. Someone was like I wanna beer. And I'm like
here's your beer
I wanna glass of white wine please and
it's like well there's only red or
white wine
so you take the cork out you
pour it into glass you know
Glug Glug Glug Glug here is your white
wine madam
and they drop in little tips in
the tip jar and fun things
like that so
*sigh* But, about a half hour or 20
minutes into
this service, a man comes up to the bar
and he's like... places his order
and I look at him and I go excellent
absolutely I will get that right up for
and and I turn around and I kind of motion and I see Robert's
doing his thing, and I kinda motion over to him and I kind of
saddle up next to him. And I'm like Hey Robert
Robert Hey, Uh,
this guy just ordered a drink and I just
need a little bit of help
I have a question for you
What's tonic?
and was like that like that light bulb just went "bloop" and Robert looked at me and
said "let me get that for you"
it made me chuckle I don't know I didn't
know what tonic was
I know what tonic is now it's like
it's like water that's bubbly
kind of
or no, wait
don't quote me on that because i think
is in that sparkling water? Maybe Tonic
is just water. I have
Yep. You see I am not going to get hired as a bartender
I have no idea. Anyhow I hope that everyone is having a good one
if you have any funny stories of jobs
that you've done where you had
no idea what the heck you were doing let
me know. I'd love to hear them
I actually, I think it did I think
Robert did actually call me again at
some point in time after that a few months
to do it again and I was unable to
Sometimes you just have to slap on a smile and
act like you know what you're doing and
and hope for the best
Anyway alright everybody talk to you later